The vibe is dead and a QR code was the killer

There's a special space in hell for the person who invented QR codes. And I think they deserve it.

It started last Sunday morning. I was with friends, walking into a cafe. We were all chatting loudly, in Venn diagrams of conversation, high on life and jammed full of post-workout endorphins.

As we sat down I looked around for a menu. But I couldn’t find one.

I spotted a waiter walking by and asked if she could bring us one. That's when she hit me with it. Like a slap of a wet fish across my face…

"Oh, you can just order with the QR code".

She pointed her finger down towards a hockey-puck shaped, plastic device stuck to the table.

And on this hockey puck sat my nemesis.

The source of hatred which has fuelled this entire essay...

The QR code.

This psychedelic chess board. This vile beast who values efficiency over emotion, productivity over people and speed over connection.

You might think I'm being dramatic, but I'll explain why I hate these things so much.

The moment the waiter mentioned the QR code, everyone at the table stopped their conversation, reached into their pocket and pulled out their phones.

They scanned the code and fell into silence. Where there was laughter, there was quiet. Where there was eye contact, there were screens. An anti-social, weighted blanket thrown over our group.

We were now all just engrossed in our phones, no better than iPad kids. Then we started to notice notifications on our screens… Whatsapp, Insta or some other app… stealing our attention. Our bodies were at the table, but our minds were now in some social app.

The vibe was dead and a QR code was the killer.

It had identified its victim, this moment of human connection and in cold-blood, assassinated it.

I hate the way my phone makes me feel. It’s all high frequency and anxiety inducing. A physical menu doesn’t remind me of the work emails I need to reply to or make me jealous of a friend’s trip to Japan… My phone does.

The rotting cherry on top of this awful experience is the process of actually ordering through these things. Navigating through the menu is a pain in the ass, and when it comes to paying, I always end up having to create an account, give my number, my email and my mother's maiden name...

This is why I hate QR codes.

They are moment murderers, connection killers and ambiance assassinators.

One thing I know for sure is that we need more humanity and connection in our lives. And this putrid invention exists to take these moments away from us.

I actually refuse to use them. I go to the counter and order there instead. Don't call me a luddite, I just place more value in human interaction than on whatever proposed efficiency these things claim to deliver.

They don't belong in cafes, restaurants or bars. They belong in hell, with whoever invented them.